Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing
By Dr. Robert Huizenga
Eco BagsI fully support the notion of reusing the same shopping bags for groceries. Week in and week out people fill up their supermarket trolleys and then proceed to pack the items they have bought into plastic bags at the checkout, once they have been paid for. The majority of these plastic bags only make two trips in their lifetime. One is to the supermarket from the suppliers and the other is to the customer`s home where they tend to end their life prematurely in the bin. If
Eco Bags were used instead they could make hundreds of trips in their lifetime. The bags could be left ion the boot of the car after they have been unpacked ready to be used at the next grocery shop. All it takes is a little thought and a slight change of routine and the
Eco Bags could become regular features down at the supermarket. Concerns about the effect that plastic bags have on the planet should be enough to prick the conscious of people`s minds. If more and more people started to use the
Eco Bags when they went shopping, at least this would be one way that the planet could be looked after.
Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.
So...there are promises to change and the two of you embark upon a new path. You watch carefully.
"Can I trust this change? Is it permanent? temporary? How long will it last? Is he/she REALLY changing?"
Good questions. Here are 16 ways to know if the change is going to last:
1. You notice opposite behaviors and nonverbal communication. Passivity becomes activity. Recklessness transforms into thoughtfulness. Aloofness turns into engagement.
2. You find yourself surprised. "Hmmmm, this hasn`t happened before, but is really nice! I wonder where this came from? But, I will take it!"
3. He/she expresses more curiosity about you, about him/her self and others. He/she observes more closely what happens in relationships, without criticism or defensiveness.
4. You feel that somehow there has been a shifting of gears. There is a different rhythm or flow in the relationship. Much less effort. Much less tension.
5. You find yourself noticing how differently he/she talks. The words seem different. The emotional tone of the words seem different.
6. The negative times, where you felt very stuck, helpless and hopeless, are less intense, happen less often and you seem to have more effective ways to move out of those times more quickly.
7. Your gut (intuition) tells you that this is ok. You begin to trust that part of you more implicitly. A part of you is clapping and cheering inside!
8. He/she seems to have more direction and purpose. Less drifting. He/she seems to be driven more by internal desires and wishes rather than reacting to people or external circumstances. He/she takes up interesting hobbies or finds more enthusiasm for career.
9. The changes seem to be more consistent and carry over for a longer period of time. More stability. Fewer swings. You seem more consistently on the right path.
10. More concern is expressed for family, children and close friends.
11. Words such as: "I promise. I`ll try. Or, I`m going to..." are NOT in his/her vocabulary.
12. Moments of effusive crying, tear letting and chest beating are gone. Apologies are past and there is a sense of working right here right now to create what we want down the line.
13. You hear no blaming of others. He/she does NOT make others responsible for his/her actions. You sense that he/she is intent upon responsibly creating his/her world.
14. There is good eye contact.
15. He/she is taking great steps toward self care both physically, emotionally and spiritually. He/she can state what he/she needs and negotiate with you to get those needs met. At the same time, your personal needs are considered.
16. You worry much less about what will happen next.
